Y2K (+5) Pandemonium (PART II)

2005 was a year of incredible growth in my life. God taught me alot, and probably more than any other year, I really began to see and understand who I really am. I know you’re dying to know what this paradigm-shifting knowledge is… and luckily I have the cure for you! More Cheese!! Dig in, friends…

What I’ve Learned in 2005 (life lessons, radical realizations, and worldy wisdom from the past year):

1. God answers prayers, often in ways we don’t want him to. He knows what is best for us and if we pray in accordance with His will, He will give us exactly what we need most. But what is “best for us”? The most incredible, as well as the most important thing in life is to be completely satisfied in God and to love Him with all we are. It’s what He created us for. If we pray for God’s blessings, we WILL receive them – blessings that will bring us closer to Him when we see them as ordained by God. However, sometimes these blessings may appear to us more like curses, as if God were abandoning us or even punishing us for our unfaithfulness. But the beauty of His love and grace is that in spite of our shortcomings, God still desires nothing more than our complete worship and satisfaction in Him. He gives us trials and troubles to teach us about His power and sufficiency in our lives. Thankfully, he also gives us times of unbelievable joy and lavishes His love upon us. God does answer prayers, as He alone sees fit.

2. God’s grace truly is sufficient for me. The Lord gave Paul a thorn in his fleshand after Paul pleaded with Him to remove it 3 times, He revealed this truth. God gave me a thorn this semester with my colitis, which could flare up in the future and interfere with my life, just as it did this semester. But God really comforted my heart this fall as I dealt with this trial, showing me that in Christ, there is no lasting significance in my condition itself – only in the way I respond to it – or rather in the way that I respond to God through it. In the end, Jesus is gonna heal me and I’ll be good as new. But right now he is teaching me to endure this tough world with the knowledge and hope of His grace through Christ. He is all I need. Really.

3. In an average living room, there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

4. I still have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Stop asking me! Haha, but seriously, God has begun to lead me toward my career destination, but it is still a pretty foggy road, so I can’t quite make out what I’m headed for. But I am actually excited about that – I am learning to embrace the uncertainty life brings and joyfully take on the here-and-now while eagerly anticipating what God brings next. And it is great.

5. God has blessed with a brilliant mind. At least, that is how I have always thought of it. I don’t really have to study hard to succeed, and most things just really make sense to me without much effort. “Experts” always say that most people are either more “right-brained” (meaning more abstract, creative, etc) or more “left-brained” (meaning more concrete, logical, etc.). However, I have always noticed (and been told by relatives and teachers and other people I suck up to) that my brain is very balanced between the two. But I am actually very gifted in both ways, not just a little of each. I have always considered this a great blessing from God that I should use in some way to glorify Him. In a sense, I still do, but I came to a crazy realization as I was making a 2 hour drive by myself near the end of the year. In my philosophy class, I have seen that there have been many, many, many absolutely genius minds throughout history. And they have come up with so many different ways of looking at the world. But there has never been a single one who has absolutely defined the world. Yet the Word of God has. In my life, I have personally seen the Bible speak absolute truth and give the perfect instruction for every situation. God speaks to me through his Word in absolute perfection, although not always perfect clarity. I recently came to the realization that even though I have a great mind that can figure out complex things about life and make excellent rational conclusions and do cool mind-type-stuff, I will still NEVER have ALL the answers to life. But they are all found in Jesus – the way, the truth, and the life. If we seek, we WILL find. I may never fully understand this life, but I really believe that God’s Word will show me more truth about it than my own mind ever could.

6. People around the world are actually pretty similar. It is amazing how much Koreans and Chinese-eans and Romanians and Indians (and everywhere-else-ians) are alike. I make jokes with some of my international friends and find that we laugh about some the same stuff. And have similar interests. And similar feelings. And similar just about everything in life. And yet we are all unique, just as we are each unique from the other people in our own country. It is amazing to see the international unity of the Body of Christ, and that we can all worship him in similar, but unique ways across the bounds of our cultures. God is a genius to be able to create that. Well, God is a genius anyway.

7. Philosophy is stupid, but I love it anyway! Seriously, half these guys say stuff that makes absolutely no sense at all, even after reading it about 20 times. But I have realized that no one in philosophy really understands anything – everyone just talks like they do. But I gotta love a major where the hardest thing I have to do is think about what my professors say in class! Good stuff!

8. I am a pretty crappy Christian. Sure, I go to church a lot, and I give tons of my time to worship, service, and other stuff at Wesley. I know tons of bible verses and have led a few bible studies the last couple years. I try to pray a lot. But in all honesty, Jesus wants my whole life. And I must confess that I fail to let him have ALL of me ALL the time. I say that I want to be holy and righteous and that I want to commit myself fully to Him. But what I do doesn’t always reflect that. I have continually told myself that I want to become more intentional and consistent with my prayer life, where I truly spend a lot of time with God and present all my requests and hurts and needs and desires before Him and just praise Him for who He is. And I have convinced myself that I will work on this. Yet I keep putting it off. Just like so much other stuff He has convicted me of. I shove it to the side and save it for later. But just like most of the leftover food that we save in our fridge at the ManHouse, those convictions are just forgotten until the extremely rare occasion when I clean out my heart’s refrigerator and realize that I totally wasted what God put on my heart. I don’t believe there is such a thing as a “good Christian” and maybe I should stop trying to be one, or at least trying to seem like one. Cause I am never gonna get there. No one lives up to the perfection He requires of us. That is why it is His grace alone that saves us and continues to work in us til the day we are taken up and made new to live in eternal perfect joy with Him. So maybe what I need to do is find my joy in Jesus and let that joy overflow in my life instead of trying to bring Him joy by being a “good Christian.” I can’t show others Christ’s love. Only He can. He can do it through me, but only if I stop trying to do it for Him and let Him do it the way He sees fit. This “Christian life” is so hard and confusing sometimes, but I truly believe He is worth whatever I need to give up to get Him. The famous missionary Jim Eliot once said, “He is no fool who gives up what He cannot keep to gain what He cannot lose.” And Jesus Himself said it even better – “He who loses his life for my sake will find it.” I need to give up my efforts in the ‘rules, rituals, and regulations’ approach to the Christian life, and find my way back to the ‘delight in Jesus and His love will pour out of my heart in everything I do’ approach!

9. I learn something new every day. So if I keep listing stuff here that I have learned, I will never finish this list. Plus I can’t think of anything smart-sounding right now. So I will end it here. Yay!

Gig em 2006!!